Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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