I just saw a hot homeless man
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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