so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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