yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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