i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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