return my video game
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
