apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
