VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
