I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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