You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
