I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize