Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
