I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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