guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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