Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
