My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize