Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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