and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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