i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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