i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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