ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's the barista slut.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
