I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Couch. On fire.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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