On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
