I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
