i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
