we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
