I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
