You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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