how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Four minutes until I can fart!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize