is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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