hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
