I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
