My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize