how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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