I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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