well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
