And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
