Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
