He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
