Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love having hate sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
