Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
