clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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