I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
