i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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