If i come over, it means nothing
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize