He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
