Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
