She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
