Got a toothbrush?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
