ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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