what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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