I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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