i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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