god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
