So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
