Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize