My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
