I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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