I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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