Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
