just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
