dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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