He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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