Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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