she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
