Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
