Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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