Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
