i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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