It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
