please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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