Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize