I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
