Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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